


5 Times Peter Went To The Cemetery Alone And The 1 Time He Went With Someone Else

by Moonscar



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1, 5+1 Things, Angst, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Peter Parker, Cemetery, Character Death, Coming Out, Denial, F/M, Flower meanings, Flowers, Grief, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Speaking to Graves, Suicide Idealization, Survivor Guilt, Whiplash, bitter sweet, death mention, maybe? - Freeform, mostly angst, self-loating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:09:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonscar/pseuds/Moonscar
Summary: This wasn't the first time he has visited, and it won't be the last.or5 times Peter Parker goes to the cemetery alone and the 1 time he goes with someone else





	1. The Parents

This wasn't the first time he has visited, and it won't be the last.

As he walked through the gates of the cemetery, he felt a wave of sorrow wash over him, as it always did. It wasn't anything new, but it never got easier dealing with the weight pushing on his heart when he came to visit. Just seeing all the the gravestones, all carefully aligned made him feel a bit sick inside. As he passed by, he didn't let his eyes linger on the tombstones, didn't want to put a name to all the blurred numbers as he passed by.

 He sucked in a deep breath to calm himself, adjusting his grip on the Stacite flowers. Once he was old enough to come here alone, he had made sure to bring the right flowers for the different people he visited. Every person held a different meaning to him, and even if he was aware of the fact that it was some what pointless, he wanted to make their individuality shine through the flowers he gave, what they meant to him through these gorgeous plants.

Stacite flowers were meant to show remembrance, sympathy and success. Even though he couldn't technically remember them, couldn't bring up an emotion when connecting the names of his parents. All he could feel most of the time was sadness or emptiness. It was hard to pull up something for the people he didn't know, even if he knew they cared about him deeply, according to what Ben and May have told him. Sympathy because he did feel sympathy for them, felt bad that they had to go, that they had to leave so quickly and unexpectedly. Success, because they were rather successful in their career, in being good people and good friends to the people surrounding them.

He always saved enough money to buy flowers, he couldn't come without flowers...

Peter finally came to a halt in-front of the grave he was looking for. He gazed down at the tombstone and read the names like he had hundreds of times before

_Here Lies_

_Mary Parker_

_&_

_Richard Parker_

_May They Rest In Peace_

Peter felt a slight pang in his chest as he read the words. It was so weird, how these people who had a son, had a family, a past, a life, only had those 5 words to be remembered by. When people passed by, they probably never spared a second glance, just like Peter did with every grave. To strangers, these are just another name, another two people to have died with the hundreds of others in the cemetery. 

Then there were the people who knew them, who could place a face to the names, who could place memories and feelings to these people. They could remember their personality or the color of their eyes, their type of humor and the inside jokes they shared.

Then there was Peter.

He didn't fit anywhere between those lines.

He stood in that awkward in between. He could place a face to these people, from the pictures May and Ben had showed him and given to him. He could conjure up invented memories or stories May and Ben had told him, experiences they had together, insides jokes they had shared. They would tell him how much his parents loved him, how they cared so much for him.

But none of those memories were his, it was all of their memories. These were people he was supposed to know, supposed to have grown up with and remember and they were the reason he was here today. 

Yet, they were stripped away from him to quickly for any of that to happen.

Peter smiled down at the grave as he placed the flowers in-front of their shared Tombstone. The flowers he had placed awhile ago having probably died a long time ago. Even though he didn't feel sad facing these graves, he still spoke to them, out of respect for these people he can't remember.

" Hi Mom, Hi Dad. I'm back. I know it took allot longer than it usually does but Iv'e been busy with high-school and all, you know? Iv'e been getting good grades as usual, but they tend to slip a bit because I tend to hand it assignments late... Don't worry though, Aunt May makes sure that I always try to put my education first, because it's important and all. " Peter paused for a moment, shuffling his left foot along the nicely trimmed, green grass " Oh! I'm still doing Decathlon! I make to study whenever I have the time to, because I know that MJ would have my head if I didn't " Peter said to the graves.

He remembered at first feeling awkward for talking to tombstones out loud like this, but after-awhile he got used to it, which was actually a pretty sad truth now that he thought about it

Peter looked down at his phone quickly for the time, as though he had somewhere to be, which he really didn't. Visiting his parents was always the most awkward. 

It even felt even calling them Mom and Dad... He didn't know if he wanted to accept that fact yet though, so he pushed it to the back of his mind.

" Well, I should go now, okay? I hope you guys like the flowers! I try to give it meaning, at least with the bits of pieces I know about you guys, okay? So cut me a bit of slack if you don't like them " Peter said with a slight joking tone.

He stared at their grave for a moment longer, eyes drifting towards the flowers he had placed in front of it.

He didn't hesitate for a moment before turning around and walking along the path to exit the cemetery, staring at his feet as he left, not taking a moment to look back. 

He still felt the usual empty feeling in his chest as he left his parents grave.

He hoped it would go away one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave comments! I love reading and replying to them! =D


	2. The Uncle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's raining today, which is rather fitting.
> 
> Just like the day he died.

It's raining today, which is rather fitting.

Just like the day he died.

Peter entered the cemetery, just like he had done a couple hundred times before.

He truly does wish he was exaggerating when he throws that number down, but he isn't. He has been in this exact cemetery over a hundred times, visiting people, going to their burial... The burial wasn't even the worst in some situations, sometimes it hits you so much later. It hits you that you'll never hear their laugh, see their smiles, hear their jokes.

That's sort of the package that comes along with death always knocking on your doorstep, not to take you, but the ones you love. At least that's what it always was for Peter.

Most of the time he wishes that death had taken him instead.

Peter gripped at the flowers he had bought today for his uncle, Heather's in the color lavender and white, and Hyacinth in the colors Blue and Purple. Heather's in the color lavender meant to show admiration, while the White Heather's showed protection. Hyacinth's in general showed playfulness, but Blue held the meaning of consistency, while Purple showed sorrow.

He distinctly remembers a time where he felt guilty for the many flower meanings strewn upon the flowers compared to his parents. He didn't dwell on it for to long though.

May and Ben had been the parent figures in his life and he shouldn't have to feel guilty for that.

Soon enough he arrived in front of grave of his uncle, slowing down to a stop. He turned his gaze towards the letters embedded into the stone.

_Here Lies_

_Ben Parker_

&

____________

_The Ones Who Always Loved Without Cease_

A slight pang of sadness hit him as he looked upon it. It wasn't with the same intensity it used to. He remembers crumbling in front of this grave, in this exact spot, crying and sobbing. He remembers the guilt he felt, the deep pain and sorrow as the lifeless body of his uncle flashed before his eyes every single time he closed his eyes.

Peter stared at the blank space for one moment.

The blank space always reminded him that Aunt May would join him one day, just like everyone else, just like Uncle Ben. Everyone will die eventually anyways, but Peter could help make sure it wasn't so prematurely, wasn't like Ben's death.

Peter sighed gently and carefully placed the flowers down in front of the grave, the mixes of color making it look rather nice. It blended it with allot of the other graves, but Peter never looked at them long enough to explain in detail. 

He passed a hand through his damp hair to pull it back. He hadn't bothered to bring an umbrella, hadn't bothered to use one when visiting for a long time now. When it rained he just toughed through it. It felt right to just let the rain wash over him when he visited them, whether it was a light drizzle or a full on storm pattering down on him.

May didn't like it, but she never mentioned it.

" Hey Uncle Ben " Peter said, not really knowing how to continue. Unlike his parents, Peter didn't want to rush through these. It was his fault that Uncle Ben had to be buried here, that he hadn't used his powers to save him because he was to scared. He was the one that had wanted to go get Ice Cream with his uncle that day. He was the one who couldn't seem to stop the bleeding, didn't take of his shirt to help soak up the blood bleeding through, even though his shirt had already been soaked with water from the rain. 

All the blood slipping through his fingers. Staining them red, soaking them in the crimson color.

All the blood on his hands.

" Remember Tony Stark? The billionaire who is also Iron Man, that for some ungodly reason took me under his wing? Well, he invited me over to the tower this weekend! I've been going over allot less ever since the Rogues moved into the tower with him. I don't know why Tony wants to keep us separated either. Sure, I want to punch Captain America with all the power mustered in my being, but he'd survive. I think it's because he doesn't want me to meet the people who stabbed him in the back... I sort of get it, I guess. I wouldn't want Aunt May or you to meet Harry, that is if he were still alive... " Peter said, voice straining a bit at the end. He coughed into his elbow.

All he needs to do is pretend that all the guilt is gone, or most of it.

He just needs to pretend that he's fine.

Pretend that he doesn't wish that he could switch places with every single person that had died because of him.

He shouldn't burden the dead with his worries.

" You don't need to worry either, Tony isn't replacing you! I can guarantee that... It's just he's helped fill the emptiness that's always in the hole all you guys left, you know? He helps fill it. So does MJ and Ned and Aunt May, but I feel like it's never gonna leave no matter, but I can get better! " He said before looking down again, staring at the names embedded into stone once again.

This man was the reason he was Spider-Man. It was him that gave him the last push, showed him that with all this power, he holds responsibility. He helped make him realize that he could save others. Make sure that people can go back to their family, their dog or their loved one. Help make sure that people don't live with trauma caused by horrible people. Realized that those same horrible people probably also had a family, someone that needed them, people with daughters and sons and parents. 

He can make sure that other people don't have to deal with the lost of a loved one.

He can prevent parents from losing their kid, prevent drunk drivers from hitting bystanders.

Help another uncle get home to their family for one more day.

Help avoid anyone getting taken away to soon.

" Thank's Uncle Ben, but I need to get back home. Aunt May is making a quiche tonight, which we both know is something I can't miss! It's one of the few things she doesn't burn to a crisp and actually makes taste good " Peter joked and did a small, joking salute to the grave, a dopey smile on his face. Peter stared at the grave for one more second before walking away and back to the apartment, back home.

He would protect Aunt May like his Uncle had protected him. Protect her as best as he could and make sure she doesn't reach the same fate as everyone else that surrounded him. Make sure that she lived longer, just a bit longer.

But first, he needed to get home.

He couldn't worry Aunt May.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? I hope so! =D 
> 
> Look, you signed up for angst the moment he clicked on this fic XD
> 
> Please leave a comment! I love reading them and replying to them! =D <3


	3. The Former Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't know why he even bothers visiting him some days.

He doesn't know why he even bothers visiting him some days.

He supposes that it's because he still held some meaning in Peter's life, in both Spectrum's of his life. He had been a dear friend to Peter, someone he could turn to and someone he could have fun with, talk science together and confide to each other. He had been someone Peter Parker trusted, which was why he had let him take his blood to help with his disease.

It was one of the biggest mistakes Peter had ever made.

Then he got related with the other spectrum, Spider-Man. It was hard to see the same person he used to see in Harry when he faced him up there, seeing that Lizard. His skin and his color wasn't what made him different, it was his personality. He couldn't find in his eyes the person he had used to know. The person he would pull all-nighter's with to do science projects and experiments for fun, the person he studied with weekly, one of the first people he had admitted his sexuality to. He was someone he could discuss theories with and so much more.

At least that's what he told himself as fought him tried to save him from himself, tried to save Harry from the mistake he had made by giving him his blood. Even though he couldn't find that resemblance 

That's the mistake he made that would cost them their lives, both Harry's and Gwen's. 

His Friend and Gwen both gone in one night.

Peter did the same dance he usually did. Avoided all the other graves, whether it was the flowers, the names or the date's represented on stone. It wasn't long before he arrived in front of the grave he wanted to visit.

 

_Here Lies_

_Harry Osborn_

_A Great Young Man That Was Taken To Soon_

 

Peter glanced down at the flowers in his hands, Hydrangea's, Marigold's and Zinnia's of a multitude of colors. Sometimes he truly did wonder to himself if Harry deserved to have these flowers presented to him, wondered if the man that had been buried here was the same as the man before the Lizard event.

The Zinnia's meant " In Memory of an Absent Friend ", and Peter didn't know what he meant by that when he got these flowers for him. In memory of the person he was before the lizard event? In of the Absent friend that left the moment the Lizard had taken over? Or in memory of an Absent friend because of his death? Peter didn't know himself.

The Marigold's showed Grief's Jealousy. Peter was jealous of him, not for what he did or who he was, but for going first, for leaving this world before he could grieve the death of a friend (Could he have grieved? Was there even a piece of Harry left in there?). The Hydrangea's meant " Thank you for Understanding ", Frigidity, and Heartlessness. How a part of Peter left with the death of Harry and Gwen, how Harry had been so heartless near the end, so frigid and almost dead inside, yet full or vengeful feelings for something no one could control. How he hoped Harry could understand and forgive him for everything he'd done to lead up to that event...

Peter shuffled his foot along the grass and sigh.

The tombstone wasn't far from his parents and Uncle Ben's grave since the letter 'O' wasn't that far from the letter 'P' in the alphabet. Peter took a moment to stare down at the grave before placing the flowers down in front of it.

" You know, I wonder why I even bother visiting you. Then I remember the person you were before the whole... Lizard event. I know Iv'e said I'm sorry for that countless times but I'll say it again. I'm sorry... I can't say sorry to the person that was buried here, but I can do you, Harry " Peter said and paused for a moment and stuffing his hands in his pockets, staring down at the grave with an empty look in his eyes.

" Ned's been doing alright, so has Aunt May. Ned's been here for so long, you know? He knows about my sexuality as well, and he took it in strides like you- I remember telling you first because I was to scared to lose my best-est friend, so I settled for you, which sounds like a really asshole move now that I think about it... But I thought that since you hadn't grown up with me, you would be less judgmental, you know? I haven't told Aunt May yet, she's been so busy lately with paying for food and bills that I don't have the heart to bother her with a coming out... It's not that I think she'll have a bad reaction, it's more of a situation of time and place " Peter said and smirked slightly as he tilted his head up towards the sky.

" I ended up telling Ned in the back of a Taco Bell, just munching down on our food when I had blurted out that I was Bi-Sexual. He seemed shocked for a moment before grinning at me and saying that he loves gay people, which was just a direct reference to Be More Chill so we laughed it off- It's... It was nice. He was so accepting of it all, then we talked about it for a bit and he explained to me how he didn't care about that at all, that he was proud of me for it and that we could maybe go to Pride one day if we have the time and money. " Peter said and shook his head and sigh, looking back down towards the grave.

" I'm... Thanks Harry, for having been in my life. I know some days I hate you for what you did, but it wasn't you, just a weird twisted version of you. Everything that had made you my friend had seemingly been sucked out of you but, I still hold hope that your better now, you know? Your not that person you were in the end. Vengeful, Jealous and filled with hatred. I hope your somewhere laughing and smiling and calling me an idiot for taking so long to tell Aunt May, or looking at my science homework and scoffing at an obvious sleep-deprived error. Might be wishful thinking though " Peter admitted. He paused for longer, letting silence settle over the two.

How crazy did he look right now? Talking about a coming out to a piece of stone? 

He didn't care enough to think to hard into it.

Without any parting words, Peter left, hands still shoved inside his pockets as he hunched his shoulders and walked away from his former friends grave.

Not matter how much he hated to admit it some days, he'll come visit again some day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not that proud of this one? I don't know why, it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, but my hand slipped and I'm not changing it XD I did add some elements of what I wanted though!
> 
> Did you notice that he doesn't speak about the Avengers? About Tony? He just talks about the people Harry knew, for whatever reason is up to your interpretation


	4. The Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today was a sunny day.

Today was a sunny day.

It was a rather large contrast to the non-stop rain that had been crashing down on New York in the past 2 weeks, but it finally seemed to have cooled down.

Peter felt the same dread he always felt when he visited this certain person. Of course, he tended to feel guilt when he visited his loved ones here, but with Gwen it was different.

It was allot worst.

Now, this created a some what endless loop. He felt bad for feeling this dread when visiting her which made him feel even more guilty, and because of that the dread just intensified and it's just endlessly looping. It's been getting better though, he's been feeling better now, less guilt ridden and he doesn't have the heavy feeling in his chest 24/7.

The thing is-

He almost didn't want it to get better

He didn't want these feelings to go away since he knew that it was all well deserved. He wasn't an idiot, he knows that this thought process wasn't healthy but he couldn't help it, because he knows that no matter how he looks at the situation, he was to blame for her death, if not then at least partially, and that was enough. 

As he walked over he let himself drift back into the memories of her death.

He remembers catching her just in time, the web reaching out to her like a hand, ready to catch her. When the web ad finally attached to her, he remembers feeling relief passing through him, only to be replaced by dread. Dread that still sticks with him, the same way the webbing had stuck to her, a dread that will never leave him. 

He remembers dropping down on the concrete floor, his crush and close friend hanging from the single thread of web. In that moment, he knew something was off, that something was wrong. He hadn't been able to connect the dots as to what was wrong with her, even for just a moment. It was a moment to long.

Because then he noticed it.

He found what was wrong.

She wasn't breathing.

He had stared at her unmoving chest for a moment, mind blank until disbelief settled under his skin. He had caught her, hadn't he? He caught her, so why wasn't she breathing? Why was she limp?

Those were the questions running through his head as he uttered her name over and over again, begging for her to wake up as he cradled her body.

He just wanted any type of response to his cries, any sign of life.

He wanted her to take in one breath

One breath would be enough

_She never took in another breath_

Later on the family had informed him on what had caused her death.

It was Whiplash

Fucking

_Whiplash_

He remembers laughing hysterically at that, laughing like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard, only to be reduced to sobs and tears not long afterwards. 

No matter what choice he had made, she would have died anyways. Either by the whiplash from the webbing that was meant to save her the webbing meant to catch her,  _and it had._ The other option of death would have been to let her smash against the concrete, to let her blood splatter along it and he bones crush under it all.

He doesn't know which one would have been more painful.

He tries not to think about it to much.

Peter arrived in front of the tombstone, letting out a breath he didn't know he had been holding the whole walk here. He gazed down at it.

_Here Lies_

_Gwen Stacy_

_May This Amazing Soul Rest In Peace_

Peter frowned at it, frowned at how vague it all was, how all tombstones were so vague, some of them not even addressing the person buried under the ground, except for the name engraved into it. Peter fumbled with the flowers he had brought today. He always tends to change flowers with Gwen, because he can't describe anything with just one bouquet, so he changes it all the time.

This time the bouquet held Purple Hyancinth's, Yellow Roses, Sweet Pea's and Magenta Zinnia's. The Purple Hyancinth's signified " I Am Sorry ", "Sorrow" and "Please Forgive Me". These flowers tended to be a constant in these bouquets, to show how sorry he truly was. He still felt sorrow at her death, and he doesn't believe it will ever leave, and he's fine with that. It showed how he wanted forgiveness for what he'd done to her, for giving her a possibly painful death (not that she could tell him). 

The Yellow Roses held the meaning of 'Joy' and 'Friendship'. How hanging out with her always made him happy, how she gave him joy and made the pain of his uncle dwindle. How that even though he had a crush on her, their friendship meant everything to him.

Then, Sweet Pea's meant 'Thank You For A Lovely Time',  'Good-bye' and 'Departure'. These ones were a new addition because he remembers finding it rather insulting to say good bye to her, how she would always be in his heart, but he eventually saw new meaning to it. How it was a good bye to her time on earth, to the time they could have spent together, how this was simply a departure in this leave. How he wanted to thank her for all the fun times they had, all the secrets they shared and the evenings reading books in the library, or going to the park at midnight because they both couldn't fall asleep, or the witty banter between the two.

Lastly, Magenta Zinnia's meant 'Lasting Affection'. It meant that even with all the time passing since her death, he still cared for her, and he still held affection towards her and it would stay there, buried in his heart. Just like everyone else, she had left a hole in his heart when she died, but also like everyone else, she still left feelings in there to visit, even if accompanied with the familiar empty feeling, it was always mixed with something else.

He stared at the wide range of flowers set in the bouquet, placing it down next to another one that seemed to have been placed a few days ago, considering some of the petals were starting to wither or fall. Except he didn't stand back up once he placed them down, he slowly kneeling down and sitting down along the wet grass that instantly wet his jeans from the residue of water from the rain, but he couldn't care less.

" Hey Gwen, how are you doing? That;s stupid of me to ask, because you can't respond, but still- Oh god, if you did respond though that would be pure gold for nightmare fuel " He joked before sighing

" Anyways, your death hasn't gotten any easier... It's... easier to think about you and talk about you with bursting into tears, but it still hurts, you know? I don't think that hurt will ever go away though- " Peter admitted with a slight shrug.

" Anyways, I visited Harry a few weeks ago, so I hope you can forgive me for that, but you know this stuff is just... a coping mechanism of sorts? I wouldn't know, I'm not a therapist and I don't have one. To expensive. I mean, I know that if I asked Mr.Stark he would give me one in a heart beat because he's nice like that, you know? He has this whole facade of not caring but he cares to much- He would do anything for the Rogues, even though I sort of hate it "

" It's not that their bad people! It's just that, they can't see what Mr.Stark does for all of them, he makes customized rooms for them all and specifically makes area's in the training room just for specific people and he puts so many safety measures for them all and makes sure to keep in mind all their favorite foods and dishes in case one of them has a bad day and he even has a coffee machine with their names on it to give them their favorite thing! It even gives tea and hot chocolate! They just... threw all his care out the window to betray him- Yeah, I get that he was hasty to sign the Accords but couldn't they have talked it out like normal adults? "

" Not to mention that Steve completely by passed Tony's feelings! Like, i would be pretty mad as well... I remember finding Ben's killer a few months ago and almost beating him to death, until I remembered how I can't kill anyone, how this death would haunt me like all of yours, you know? Even though he killed my uncle he deserves to live, so I hung him up and called the police... Tony had allot of questions for me that night. So yeah, back to the point! Steve could have mentioned Bucky to him, you know? Work something our instead of just dragging everyone Tony has ever trusted to go against him! "

" I... I can't stay mad at all of them though, Tony has been letting be meet the Rogues more often now and their not bad people, they just... made a bad choice, you know? It's not even Bucky's fault that he killed Tony's parents, he was just a tool. Bucky's cool, he's nice " Peter finally said, voice lowering for a moment and letting the silence drag out until he finally stood up, patting his wet but and whipping his hands on his knees.

" Anyways, I should go- I know this was less brutal than it usually is, but I sort of guessed that you were getting tired of my wallowing, so I just told you a bit about what was going on right now, maybe next time I'll talk to you about my guilt and emptiness, but I don't think you'd appreciate that. I think you'd want me to get better... I'll admit, I don't think that's happening anytime soon Gwen "

_Probably never will happen_

" But! I'll see you soon, okay? Bye! " Peter said and waved at the grave awkwardly before walking away, hands stuffed in his pockets as he didn't look back.

He was to scared of seeing Gwen's ghost staring back at him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this one at all uugghhh, I don't know what happened-
> 
> Just leave a comment and tell me what you thought! =3


	5. The Fan

Today it was starting to snow.

Granted, it was very gentle snowflakes falling down from the sky, although seemingly endlessly, making a thin layer of snow along New York.

This visit wasn't like any of the others, this one didn't have any flowers because Peter never truly knew the kid, only met him once in passing before the day Peter failed to same that same kid.

This just seemed to prove the theory that whoever Peter came in contact with would die a premature death, it was just so much worst with him.

Of course Peter had failed at saving people before, it came with the job, but this one had hit him so much more for some reason, maybe because he saw so much potential in the boy, or maybe because he was so young.

So young.

Peter remembers hearing the boys voice calling out to him, calling out in such a desperate voice. 

Hoping for someone to save him.

When Peter went to swoop in he had looked so hopeful and then-

The building collapsed.

Peter doesn't remember much after that. Tony tells him he must have suppressed the memories because it was to traumatic for him to handle, especially with everything he's already been through. Peter doesn't like the idea of that, because how can it be so traumatic to the point his how mind decided to scrap it away? It wasn't fair to the victim.

It wasn't fair to Miles

Peter arrived at the grave once again.

 

_Here Lies Miles Morales_

_A Young Boy_

_Taken From This World Too Soon_

A bouquet of red flowers already laying there, snow covering the delicate petals. He felt the corner of his mouth twitch up. No matter how often he came to visit him there was always a bouquet there, without a doubt. It's one of the reasons why he doesn't bring any flowers himself. 

Although it's mostly because he doesn't feel like he has the right to do so. He'd only seen the kid once before a few months back, having helped him get his kite out of a tree. The kid had been so excited to talk to him, like he was some kind of hero, like he was someone to look up to.

Look at how that turned out for him.

Peter sighed softly as he glanced down at the grave. He remembers going to the burial, standing in the back as the small jar of ashes was lowered into the ground. People had started clearing out after a while, leaving the cemetery to go back home, but Peter stayed. 

That's when Miles mother approached him, asking him how he was and what he was doing there Her eyes were dried of tears, but red-rimmed from how much she had wiped her eyes and cried earlier. Peter had smiled sadly and said he was an acquaintance, and then he had apologized and just as he was about to turn around he saw this look in her eyes. The moment he uttered the words 'sorry' something seeming to click for her.

This look of complete understanding.

This look showing that she knew who he was.

Knew what he'd done.

That he killed her son.

He remembers a cold fear seizing through his body when he saw that look in her eyes. He remembers so many thoughts passing through his mind as he suddenly couldn't tear his gaze away from her. He expected her to slap him, scream at him or threaten to reveal his identity.

She didn't do any of those things.

She smiled this sad, wavering smile, yet it was so motherly and comforting that Peter felt the ice-cold fear in his veins had suddenly melted away. She lifted her hand and placed it on his should, before quickly pulling him into a tight hug, surprising him. Just as he started wrapping his arms around her, he felt the tears starting to well up in his eyes. 

Silent tears fell down his cheeks as he hugged Miles mother in front of his gravestone, tears pooling down his cheeks as he gripped onto her with a steely grip.

Just as he felt her arms loosen around him he went to pull away, and it was a slow process. Just as they went to part ways he heard her whisper in his ear, careful to keep her voice low and secretive, even though there was no one else in the cemetery.

"It wasn't your fault" She had whispered in his ear before pulling away, sending him a comforting smile.

He remembers thinking to himself that she was asking too much of him, that she wasn't there when it happened. He didn't voice any of these thoughts though as he simply sent her a half smile before nodding his head towards the cemetery. She shook her head slightly and glanced over at the two gravestones represented before them.

"I'll stay with my husband and little boy a bit longer, okay?" She said, before quickly adding "Your welcome to stay with me"

So he did. They stayed like that for about 2 or 3 hours, exchanging words of comfort and sometimes she would mention stories about the two, They both shed tears and comforted each other, even though Peter never truly knew the kid. 

When they both left, they left with their arms lopped together, silence looming over them. Even though Peter barely knew this woman he knew his secret was same with her, knew that he could trust her.

Suddenly Peter was snapped out of his thoughts of that day when he heard gentle whistling coming near the grave. He tilted his head to the side and saw Rio morales approaching, two bouquets of flowers at hand.

He smiled at her as she approached him, a smile on her features as well. 

Despite knowing everything, she still stood by him and supported him, even after he killed her son, after he let him die under the rubble simply because he wasn't fast him. 

She still told him that it wasn't his fault, that he shouldn't blame himself.

Well, by then she was asking for the impossible.

But he could pretend, for her sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for having taken more than a week to update! I really did try to post every day but the words just weren't flowing, but today I got the motivation to do it! I hope you guys liked this chapter! =D
> 
> Also yes I'm technically aware that he wasn't ALONE when visiting but like GIVE THE POOR BOY A BREAK- He was alone when he WENT to visit so shshshsh


	6. The Aunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a fucking doozy guys good luck
> 
> WARNING: SUICIDE IDEALIZATION MENTION

The cemetery was covered in ice and snow.

Yet despite this, the sun was shining down on them, bright and demanding attention.

Peter gripped onto Tony's sleeve tightly, his knuckles turning white as he stared at the hole in the ground, the ashes in a box looming over the hole as he stared at the brown dirt. The dirt was such a contrast to the white snow that had taken over the cemetery.

He was only vaguely aware of everyone else surrounding him. Vaguely aware of Ned standing next to him, looking down at the grave with tears in his eyes. Vaguely aware of Miles mother standing in the background in a similar fashion to how Peter had done at her sons funeral. He knew that MJ was standing behind as well. Then there were the ones he didn't know. Co-workers and friends that Peter didn't even know, or couldn't care enough to bring to the forfront of his mind.

It didn't matter.

He finally lifts his gaze from the snow and dirt, eyes finally looking at the gravestone he had stood in front of a thousand times before now.

_Here Lies_

_Ben Parker_

&

_May Parker_

_The Ones Who Always Loved Without Cease_

 

The quote was so fitting for both of them, even if oversimplified.

As Peter looked on at this he felt a pain gripping at his chest, clenching at his chest as though begging him to break down, cry and scream for her to come back and proclaim that she didn't deserve this, that she wasn't gone. 

But he wasn't crying

He had been in this position too many times to muster tears.

Even with the trashing panic going through his chest, he still felt that similar numbness taking over, except it was so much worst than it usually is. It was as though his hysteria and numb feelings were trashing, fighting to see which one would be best for his mental health.

He couldn't care anymore

He doesn't care anymore

"You know Mr.Stark, your next" Peter said, his gaze unwavering as he stared at the ashes slowly being descended towards the ground to never be seen again.

"I'm next for what kid?" Tony asked, glancing down at Peter with his brows furrowed. Somehow, he knew what the kid was referencing, but he just didn't want to face it. Suddenly, Peter let out a humorless laugh, sending shivers down everyone's spines, because now everyone was listening in.

"To die. I mean, it's what happens to everyone that surrounds me, you know? The only people who seem to have gone through without dying is Ned's family... I don't want to jinx myself though. " Peter said, not even sparing a glance at Ned.

"I mean, look at my fucking list of deceased family members, friends or girlfriends. Even people I've met once in passing have died soon after. So it's safe to judge your next, the facts are set in front of us" Peter said, and just before Tony cut him off he chuckled, a hollow sound.

"No, you don't get it. It's literally right in front of us" Peter said and suddenly let go of Tony's sleeve, instantly feeling the loss of the contact weighing onto his already trashing heart. He gestured his hands to the graveyard they all stood inside of "Look! Just about 7 people are buried here because I'm fucking alive!" Peter said, and now everyone was looking at him with those worried eyes.

Ned, bless his soul, gripped onto Peter's hand tightly and pulled him closer to reality, weighed him down and pulled him back to earth. Peter took in a deep breath as he watched the crane slowly go back up, leaving the box of ashes laying there, with Bens ashes.

He truly does wish that he could think their in a happy place together.

It's getting harder to think that way.

He knows that in any other scenario, Tony would already be booking multiple therapist meetings for Peter, putting down so many things to learn about what's wrong with him and why he's always either bordering on hysteria or numb all over.

Rigth now though, Tony just stood next to him, letting himself be someone for Peter to lean on when he needed to. He knew that after today, he'd be getting help, because he's just revealed so many things, yet not enough. 

Then Peter felt the hysteria push through, pushing and trying to make him realize that everything was going so wrong and this wasn't supposed to happen.

It wasn't that May's death hadn't sunk in, it's that now he would never get to see her again.

The one thing he didn't regret was screaming I love you as he had left to go to the school that day. It had been a ritual since the day Ben had died, a ritual that had sprouted from the fact that they were both constantly aware that one of them could be gone at any moment.

Just so happened that the moment was that day.

Peter took in a breath and squeezed his best friends hand before letting it go, finally addressing the conversation he had started as he turned to face Tony, slamming his body into the man's pristine suit as he hugged him fiercely.

"I know your next, but I don't want you to go, you can't go..." Peter said, and then he was crying, but for a completely different reason. He wasn't crying because of death, he was crying because of the loss that he would inevitably face for the rest of his life, even though that lost has been weighing him down since he was 4 years old. The lost of Ben's pep talks, the loss of his parent's presence, the lost of May's warm and tight hugs, the lost of Miles who was such an amazing kid, the lost of Gwen's encouragement and the loss of one of his close friends Harry.

Soon enough he'll face the loss of his mentor, and he knows he can't live with another death.

Might not live through May's death.

He wouldn't voice that out loud though, because he knew what those thoughts led to.

He hadn't registered Tony's arms wrapping around him tightly, cradling him close to his chest as he whispered to Peter.

"I'm not going anywhere kid" 

And somehow that's all hat Peter needed.

Tony wasn't giving him false hope like so many others have tried to do. Wasn't telling him that everything would be fine, wasn't saying that he wouldn't die soon, not saying that it would get better or that it wasn't his fault. All he reassured was that he wasn't going anywhere, at this present moment, where it was the only guarantee they had.

That was enough for Peter, because at that moment he knew that Tony wasn't going anywhere soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys like this series? Tell me if you did! =D

**Author's Note:**

> Did you guys like the first chapter? Fun fact! This is the LEAST Angst filled one- XD
> 
> Please leave a comment! I love reading them and replying to them! <3 =D


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